Rooster Teeth (aka College Dorm: The Webcomic)

"I Call It 'Bad Webcomic'"

You might have noticed, for the last few months, I have had an email link asking for reader submissions of comics to review. I did not have to wait long until I received a suggestion: Rooster Teeth comics, from the same people who brought you Red vs Blue. A cursory glance told me that the comic was terrible, but I couldn't put my finger on exactly what was primarily wrong about it. So I decided to go through the archive and make a list of everything that was missing, in order to discern what the cartoonist did wrong.

• 40% of the American Flag - While inserting someone else's artwork into a comic is generally reprehensible, as it looks incredibly awkward and wrong, there is an exception when it comes to national flags. When it is flat against a wall, a flag made in Photoshop is going to be indistinguishable from a flag grabbed off Wikipedia, as long as it's accurate. A US flag with only 25 stars and 11 stripes is close enough to fool the reader at first, but becomes more and more suspicious the longer its looked at, and is rather disconcerting in a 'humor' comic.



• A Clear Concept of How People Converse - In most RT conversations, the characters are performing an unnatural action known as 'palming.' Artists often feel a need to do something with the characters' hands, but usually have no idea what they should be doing. Consequently, characters are drawn palming, because doing nothing is an undesirable option. Additionally, the characters must ALWAYS be facing the camera, because otherwise we wouldn't know who they were. Even if it looks like their heads are on backwards, they must always look toward the reader!



• A Tenuous Grasp on Human Anatomy - I'll start with this: necks do not end in the center of the head. They go in the back of the head. They're also not a foot long. Some of these characters have massive noggins perched atop narrow stalks for necks. The clavicle does not attach to your back, and torsos don't look like that when they twist. The humerus is not attached to the ribcage, and pectoral muscles don't just disappear. I can see why these guys are grossed out.




"No, I'm Not Interested in Buying Eyelids in Bulk at a Discount"

• Upper Eyelids - Most emotion in RT comics are expressed by squinting the character's lower eye lids. In fact, the majority of panels feature a closed lower lid. It would be nice if this was some sort of satire of the common half-lidded expression found in most webcomics, but I really doubt that the artist is clever enough to come up with that. Instead, I think he's just trying to avoid falling into that quagmire, and managed to fall into it from the other direction.



• Jokes - I'm not sure I understand the point of this one. Blu-ray players exist outside of PS3s so why is this guy spazzing out? No one knows. Why is a man yelling at trees? Who cares? There are a lot of comics that don't have jokes included. I know we're in a recession, but this is ridiculous.



• Consistent Comic Resolution - Some of these comics are really really small, and some are really really big. It's really kind of annoying having to strain my eyes to read one, then having to scroll all over the place to read the next one. Please keep them a consistent size, so the pages aren't annoying to read.



• Positive Space - Yes, I know you don't want to crowd the panel with characters and dialog, but this amount of negative space is just ridiculous. The guy looks silly at that size, and just doesn't engage the reader like he would if he were filling up a bit more of the panel, especially in those two panels where nothing is happening. The same could be said of these two, as they would look better if they were filling up the panel, as they'd look closer together and give the impression that they are actually interacting. This is probably caused by the artist drawing the characters before even thinking about the word balloons, so he draws a lot of space for the balloons to go, just in case. In the future, I would reccommend sketching the whole thing out, text and all, so it doesn't feel like the comic has a bunch of visual gaps in it that divert the reader and eat his soul.




Ironically, It Doesn't Filter Out Red Vs Blue

• Fresh Ideas - If you've read 10 of these comics, you've pretty much exhausted the depth of Rooster Teeth's pool of ideas. For the most part, these comics are about 30-year-old men who act like they're still living in the college dorm. Cracking gay jokes and video game sex jokes like they're still as funny as they were then, but unfortunately they aren't. When a 20 year old cracks an immature joke, it's funny because you expect him to be immature. When an old man makes the same joke, however, it's just creepy, because the only people that age who make immature jokes are most likely sex offenders. The writers are aware of how stale the material is, because they've acknowledged that the main comic is not funny enough, and decide to include some zany background character doing something wacky, in order to ensure laughs.



• Shins - Apparently someone blew this guys shins off in the war with a machine gun, and they had to glue his feet to his knees. But I think that idea's already been done.

This list has made one thing about Rooster Teeth comics apparent: It's missing something. What that something is can only be determined by looking at this list and analyzing each missing piece. And I have finally discovered what is wrong with these comics. They lack one crucial element, the one thing that is necessary for any webcomic. Hopefully the cartoonists at Rooster Teeth can work on attaining this thing that they are lacking, because until they do their comics will be the most brainless abominations to ever exist, appealing only to idiotic squids. What is this solitary thing that they lack? That thing is talent. Read more→

Out There: Doonesbury for Beauty School Bimbos

Complacent With Mediocrity, R.C. Monroe Grants Us a Look At His Life

R. C. Monroe's Out There walks into a bar, and says to the bartender "I'd like a terrible webcomic." The bartender says "here you are" and hands him a mirror. Yeah, I know it's not a very good joke, but it was designed as an example rather than something to make you laugh. You see, it's the kind of writing I've come to expect from a comic like Out There, a comic so bland that it makes Blondie look like The Watchmen.

Out There is basically what happens when the valedictorian as the local beauty school decides to make a webcomic, based solely on the fact that they read Doonesbury in the newspaper, liked how it looked but the jokes went over their head. In fact, Out There LOOKS like a crappy knockoff of Doonesbury, and it's formatted like a crappy knockoff of Doonesbury, it just lacks the political satire that made Doonesbury tolerable. Instead, Out There focuses on things the author knows well, like "being an alcoholic" and "being a tramp." Unfortunately, the drunken sex exploits of a twenty-something get old pretty fast, especially since nothing is ever shown. The protagonist's raging alcoholism is never seriously addressed, beyond a friend saying "haha oh you drink too much," and nothing ever happens beyond that. I know I'M glad that this comic isn't trying to force some anti-alcoholism agenda down my throat; if I want to get drunk and beat the hell out of my kids, that's my prerogative.

I Wish My Legs Were Detachable...

I know I've said it before, but Out There is a visual knock-off of Gary Trudeau's work in Doonesbury, but without a clear grasp on anatomy or a clear plan on differentiating characters. The key feature used to distinguish one person from another is the hair, since all body types are generally the same, and clothing is generic and featureless. In fact, this indicates an excessive amount of inspiration taken from Dominic Deegan, though the problem isn't as drastic as that. If you were to remove all hair from every character's face, it would be nigh-impossible to pick out specific people. Characters have few expressions that aren't half-lidded eyes paired with an open mouth. When Monroe does decide to use a wide-eyed expression, the result is generally bizarre and freakish, and ultimately unsettling. The black & white coloring does nothing to generate interest, and the comic would benefit a lot by being in color, or at least grayscale, in order to give the user something interesting to look at in this miserable webcomic.

There's Always One Ironic Panel in Every Webcomic

The writing is also an awful Doonesbury knock-off, in the sense that each strip and plot is structured just like Trudeau would write the 'bury. Unfortunately, Monroe has failed to realize that Doonesbury is done this way because it's a political satire comic, which Out There is decidedly not. In the case of OT, there is no satire, which means each strip should at least offer something interesting to hook new readers. As it is, Out There reads like a long-winded novel with small illustrations under each line of dialogue. Every strip fails to contain anything resembling a joke, and each page instead ends with something that attempts to convey finality but falls short in some significant way. When two characters engage in an intimate situation, nothing is really explored in their characters beyond the shallow characterization that Monroe has already given them. Instead of wallowing in what we already know about these characters, how about delving into their personalities once in a while? You can't attempt to have a comic with one continuous plot, without any meaningful plot development. Even Garfield had a few story arcs that looked deeper into Garfield's character once in a while (before it got homogenized into oblivion). Monroe treats his story like a nature hike where he is pointing out all the interesting things on the trail, but not letting you actually see them for yourself.

Out There is really one of the worst webcomics I've read in a long while. It's even bad at being bad, instead being that insufferable kind of dull that makes it difficult to even form a coherent opinion about. You can easily see the effort put into the comic, and its half-hearted. Monroe has given us a comic developed by simply applying ethereal silly putty to Doonesbury, and rubbing out all the politics before pressing it on to paper. Its characters are as shallow as they come, incapable of submerging the smallest of minds. In the end we are given the most drab, boring and droll webcomic in existence, R. C. Monroe's Out There. I only wish it was out there, and not in here where I am. Read more→

Dueling Analogs: Babbling Cintiqs

You Said It, Man

An artist should never blame his tools for his poor work. Accepting that personal shortcomings lead to a less-than-perfect product is the first step towards improving him or herself. Conversely, an artist should never expect his product to improve simply by acquiring some special tool. The Wacom Cintiq tablet is often lauded as the pinnacle of webcomic artistry. Many webcartoonists will needle their readers for donation money to "make the comic better!" Unfortunately, if your ideas are crap, there is no magical tool anywhere in the world that will make it enjoyable.

Dueling Analogs is, first and foremost, a gaming webcomic. We all know how trite and overused that concept is, but let's humor the creator, Steve Napierski, and review it like a real webcomic, shall we?

Artistically, Dueling Analogs is atrocious. Most characters are traced (or "referenced") from some piece of official art, and photoshopped around into some weird, jerky, awkward pose. Any original character designs look goofy, bizarre, or otherwise disfigured. And did you notice that all his slimmer character designs always wear turtlenecks? I guess Napierski just has no idea how to draw a proper neckline, so he just hides it with someone's fat head or anything else to disguise a character's neck.

You Need a Cintiq For This?

Of course the artist's skills don't really matter much when most of the comics aren't even being drawn. A large portion of Dueling Analogs's archive is comprised of these kinds of comics; pictures of consoles being copy/pasted into the comic and treated as actual characters. This is quite possibly the laziest thing a person could do in order to poke fun at how a console is being managed. Additionally, Napierski seems to have a strong inferiority complex, since he has a massive tendency to post strips where he apes another cartoonist's artistic style (unfortunately he still writes the same terrible jokes). There really is no humor in copying another's art, and it provides a poor substitute for actual skill, so why does Napierski insist on these ripoff strips? My only guess is that he is dissatisfied with his work and uses these strips to fantasize about being any cartoonist with more skill than he has. These two types of comics comprise about half of the Dueling Analogs archive

But the iniquity of Napierski's art is amplified by his audacity to ask for donations so he can purchase the aforementioned Cintiq tablet. Since nearly 75% of his art is traced and/or photoshopped, one wonders why he'd need a tablet at all. The air of desperation reeks around Steve Napierski, since he believes that this magical device will make him a better cartoonist. Sorry Steve, but the truth is, you'll only get better through hard work and practice (and this doesn't mean just making more terrible comics!). Take an art class or three, Steve, and maybe you can be just like your many heroes.

The key to writing a decent gaming comic is to remain unbiased. Poking fun at everyone will make it a lot easier for anyone to enjoy the comic (this goes for political comics too!). Napierski does a poor job of hiding his Sony Fanboyism, which makes him sound rather defensive or desperate in some strips. It also helps to have a unique viewpoint on the subject in order to avoid repeating a joke the reader has already heard before. This joke has been repeated in so many forms that it has officially gotten stale. Please stop rehashing it, guys. If you can't come up with an original joke (or at least one that's not quite so stale) then perhaps you should rethink your choice of hobby.

Ripping Off Penny-Arcade Just Makes You Look Like a Tool

Other times, it becomes very difficult to identify just what Napierski is trying to convey. His inability to properly write a joke thwarts even the simplest strips, reducing them from "terrible gag" to "incomprehensible mumbling". He also has problems making the dialog concise enough to fit inside the panel. Solution? Just add speech balloons OVER the panel. It's the internet, who's going to know? Well I'm going to tell all of you that this is a crappy, inelegant solution. It is better to trim your script down so that it will fit than to just cram the words in any way you can. Why? People aren't going to want to read a novel just to hear a single terrible joke.

Dueling Analogs has fought tooth and nail to be at the bottom rung of the Ladder of Gaming Webcomics. Napierski has succeeded in this endeavor by placing other Gamer Comics above his own, through the act of giving them special references in his own comic. Imitation may be the highest form of flattery, but at the end of the day you're still just ripping someone off for easy hits. Besides, copying their work is not going to give you some grand insight into the deepest secrets of art. It's just going to make you look like a sleazy forger. The answer to self-improvement lies not in acquiring better tools, but learning how to use the tools you do have properly. As soon as Steve Napierski learns this basic fact, the his Analogs will finally be able to win a Duel.

Read more→

Tally Road: An Infinite Number of Potholes

The Donuts Are a Metaphor for a Terrible Webcomic

Shortly after the popularization of webcomics, some moron decided that it would be a good idea to institute a purely voluntary rating system, much like the one used for television. Ratings for webcomics are incredibly useless since the only things anyone cares about is whether or not there are exposed genitalia. Additionally, the host of the content is required to evaluate it himself, and assign the rating he thinks is most appropriate. With no universal standard being applied, a rating is worth about as much as a fettuccine noodle without any Alfredo sauce. And then there is an even greater travesty. Some cartoonists actually create content and try to shoehorn it to a rating, which is entirely and utterly backwards from the original premise. Tally Road (by a man known only as Jinxtigr) is one of these comics.

The first thing you'll notice about Tally Road is that it is another furry comic. The second thing you'll notice, is that it is uglier than sin itself. These two details, combined with the very small "Web-MA for Adult Content," should give you pause. And I'm the one who has to review this for you. The main page is utterly devoid of details and features, which is great for keeping clutter down, but is terrible for actually navigating the site. There is no concentrated archive page, or even a summary of the plot, characters or setting, so readers are required to read through as far as they can stand to figure out what the stupid thing is about. The only things you will find on the front page is a comic, basic navigation links (first, previous, etc.), a link to something called "Library" (more on this later), a blog post and one of those annoying chatterbox things. It's all black on white, which is about as bland as a Nilla Wafer, but without actually being useful in any recipes.

Going into greater depth on the art, it's a wonder Jinxtigr thinks he could ever make anything worthy of a "Web-MA" rating.

Eww Gross What is Going On Here?

Anatomically, the characters are so over-simplified, so basic, that it becomes impossible to discern an arm from a foot, much less tell which way they're pointed. There are only two characters, really, a dog and a cat. All characters have only minor variations on these two shapes, and it becomes very difficult to differentiate two of the same species. Male and female characters are (sometimes) differentiated by an extra line across the chest to indicate a breast, I guess, but that is rarely sufficient to identify that they are actually different people. During the comic's only known sex scene (don't click on this at work, moron), I can honestly say that I didn't realize the characters were both male until I was on my fourth pass through the archives.

The plot is incredibly jerky and disjointed, with consecutive pages often not showing any kind of coherent relation to each other. Characters just pop in or disappear with no explanation or even any acknowledgement. The protagonists (?) were very quick to abandon their own objectives for those of another, and failed to even go through any kind of argument or bargaining. Such weak motivation leads to apathy from the readers. No one will ever want to care about a character who is so weak-willed that he can't even follow through with any single conviction. Any attempt to inject humor into the comic falls flat, usually because of poor timing, but sometimes it's just an irrelevant joke that isn't consistent with the form of the comic. We can assert that Jinxtigr is worse at telling jokes than he is at telling a coherent story, which is quite an accomplishment, considering how terrible the entirety of Tally Road is.

Under the aforementioned 'Library' link, you can find various scrawlings that Jinxtigr has attempted to pass off as short stories and webcomic reviews. I'm not a literary critic, but I think it will suffice to say that the short stories are terrible. As for the webcomic reviews, we must ask whether Jinxtigr has any moral authority to provide an opinion regarding other webcomics. Sometimes offering no substantial opinion on a comic, he feels the need to simply talk about it, and compliment it even though he has no understanding of it. Not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, he offers only kind words to the comics he reviews, feeling some kind of obligation to promote it. Listen, reviewers, if you are always patting everyone on the back, you've already lost as a reviewer. Not everything is good, and if you claim that your subject is good when it isn't, no one will take your opinion seriously. If you like everything, no one will want to use your opinion as a gauge for the quality of comics. You don't have to be excessively negative, but fellating everyone who asks for a review is not going to earn you any respect.

So what is Tally Road good for? Other than poorly drawn guns, awful sexual puns, and anarchist furry sons, not much at all. It gives us an excellent argument against the act of creating content to fit a certain content rating group, and probably even voluntary rating systems in general. The correct way to approach a project such as a webcomic is to create the product you want, and if anyone actually cares then you can assign a content rating to it, or better yet, let someone else do it. As far as Tally Road is concerned, my only advice is to take a detour because this road is just one massive pothole. Read more→

Political Webcomics: More Baffling Than Voting for Pat Buchanan

In my opinion, the most patriotic day this year is November 4, Election Day. I enjoy the democratic process by casting my vote in favor of the most reprehensible candidates, because inciting suffering on the citizens of my county, state and nation is something that gives me a perverse pleasure. In honor of the upcoming election, I decided to take a look at what the world of webcomics has to provide in the realm of political comics. And I wish I hadn't.

The first one I looked at is one I had glanced over before: Right Left Center by the guys who also do Electronic Tigers. Since then, however, the comic has simply devolved into even more ridiculous political cartoons. In the latest comic, he has presented Democrat candidate Barack Obama as a skewed charicature of his actual views, sporting conflicting socialist and fascist strawman arguments, and the icing on the cake is a series of "citations" from right-wing sources which are already significantly misconstrued, and then he removes what little context is left. The previous page isn't much better, pushing the same ineffective talking points that have been on the table for months, and thinks they'll work this time. Of course, they're just the generic arguments made against Democrat candidates, so it's not like this Republican mouthpiece is spewing anything that hasn't be spewed before. The main problem with RLC is that it's just too damn wordy. Political comics have never been around to change anyone's mind; instead, they just need to poke fun at some recent political (or otherwise national) event and twist it into a humorous analogy, metaphor, or charicature. RLC fails at this with incredible swiftness, but since the primary demographic is racists and people who want to argue with racists, I'm sure they find the stiff, one-sided haranguement of Democrats to be amusing.

The next one I found was Keenspot's longest-running political comic, Sore Thumbz (the z is extreme), which was originally supposed to be YAGC (Yet Another Gamer Comic) but writer Chris Crosby hasn't played a video game besides those dang ol' Marty-o Brothers, so he uses it as a political mouthpiece. Like RLC, Sore Thumbz has a tendency to stretch a gag out way too long. Unlike RLC, it's not as bad as RLC. Still, it's not without a veritable gold mine of faults. The conservative mouthpiece is an obnoxious loud-mouthed business owner, while his liberal counterpart is an equally obnoxious large-breasted bimbo, and both are about as flat as Iowa. The art is really kind of sloppy, as these two characters will often change size and shape between pages and even panels, but the glaring flaw is the writing. Chris Crosby wedges a liberal joke into pages where it's really unnecessary, and pushes his left-wing character to always be correct. 99% of the time the conservative is portrayed as either a raving lunatic or a smug jackass, detracting from his emphasis as a serious counterpart and turns him into a mere comic foil. A better design for this setup would involve both characters being used equally, by which I mean using them whenever appropriate for a joke, rather than leaning on the left-wing jokes and ignoring the others.

But when it comes to forcing a joke, none does it better than Keenspot's newest addition, M. J. Offen's Politicomic. It's only been around for a month and a half, but has still managed to strike me as the worst attempt at political humor on the Internet. Actually calling it a comic is kind of iffy, since all the art is just photographs of the candidates after they've been shoved through a handful of Photoshop filters. In fact, if just playing around with photoshop is enough to get on Keenspot these days, maybe I'll give it a whirl. I mean, I'm sure I can come up with better jokes than McCain Kong. Of course we all know why this Obamanation ended up on Keenspot, and that's because Chris Crosby wants to give a leg up to all the liberal political webcomics out there, even if they don't really come close to deserving it.

Of course, a lack of art is not uncommon in webcomics, especially when politics are involved. Get Your War On thrives with nothing less than old clip art and a foul, sarcastic mouth. While it focuses on the Iraq War and the politics related to it, GYWO is not above discussing other political issues, like the economy, or various campaign bizarrities, and railing against the war and the Republican party has given GYWO a boost in popularity among moody teenagers and high-minded college students who consider it to be much more poignant than it really is. So much so that it has been modified into a series of animated shorts. The truth is, anyone can manufacture popularity through faux outrage and obscenity. Loud ranting is not funny, and sarcasm gets old after just a short while. A political comic without these things has a greater chance of being appreciated for its wit, rather than just being blindly followed by those too dumb or high to differentiate between quality and trash.

The last political comic I found before I got sick of looking is known only as The Pain (a reference to The Princess Bride, no doubt) which provides the same cynical look at current events as GYWO, except providing actual art. Actually, the art is populated by nothing but grotesque distortions of reality, like looking at life through reverse-beer goggles. The comics often carry a severe tone of pessimism and misery, interjected with wild bouts of mania, and I wouldn't be surprised if the author had Bipolar II disorder. Many of the scenarios presented aren't grounded in reality, but instead play up fantasies of anarchy, martial law, and apocalyptia, and the artist seems driven by nothing more than his most base desires, rather than any desire for social, moral, or economic reform, so his writing suffers from a lack of conviction to any kind of viewpoint other than selfishness. I guess that makes The Pain the perfect political webcomic for self-centered assholes who would rather wallow in their own misery instead of doing something about it, so I'm surprised it's not more popular than it is.

American Politics are generally about which human being the people detest the least, and can stand to vote for without hurling. Voting, like surgery, tends to require that the participant not eat for many hours prior to the procedure. Most voters don't even vote for their own interests, but rather some imaginary future version of themselves that doesn't actually resemble them at all. Regardless of who wins, I can expect that there will be plenty of moping around the nation, and I will revel in their misery. Additionally, I can expect to read a few comics complaining about America electing the wrong guy, from political and non-political webcomics alike, and all of this griping will be met with the same response: "Why didn't you try to do more?" Political cartoons have never been very funny, and political webcomics mangle the genre even more, trying to squeeze the blood of comedy from the stone of politics. If presented with a referendum to continue political webcomics, do the responsible thing: vote no. Read more→

Electronic Tigers (Guest Starring The Ponz)

When leveraged properly, a popular webcomic can provide an ample source of income. A healthy mixture of donation incentives, merchandise, and publication can turn a successful hobby into a successful business venture. With enough spit, gumption, determination and elbow grease (spunk and grit don't hurt either), a skilled webcartoonist can turn their talents into a supplemental or even primary income. Thankfully, I'm not here to talk about people doing things the right way, but rather to lambaste someone for doing things in exactly the wrong way.

The Wrong Way to turn your comic into a cash fountain involves, among other qualities, impatience. Being impatient can lead an otherwise capable cartoonist down a path of failure, misery, and greed. I am talking in the general sense, of course; I wouldn't want to imply that the cartoonist behind Electronic Tigers is capable. Electronic Tigers is the worst kind of garbage: A gaming comic infused with heavily skewed political 'humor', mired in racism, fueled entirely by an asian with enormous bazongas. This 'hot azn' loudly and obnoxiously declares herself a virgin, solely for the economic benefits rather than her moral beliefs. These economic benefits extend to the creators, because for some bizarre reason, horny nerds find virginity to be infinitely more attractive than sexual experience. Therefore, Mika's virginity can be exploited in a myriad of ways to net cash dollars for her owners.

The average ET strip is really actually not very funny. The author fails so often to construct anything resembling a joke, and even when he comes close, the punchline often fails to be amusing. Instead the humor tries to spawn from "crazy situations" and "wacky character behavior" despite neither of these being taken to enough of an extreme that it approaches Chuckleville, much less Guffawston. It would also probably be funnier if it wasn't so incredibly racist.

As unfunny as the original Electronic Tigers was, it was decided a few months back that it just wasn't political enough. So once a week the ET brain trust releases a political comic known as Right Left Center or RLC, where the 'right' is represented as a calm, intelligent elephant, while the left is portrayed by a braying jack-ass of a strawman, which effectively reduces the viability of the 'right' viewpoint provided by the association. The strawmannery and flawed logical arguments were always a part of ET, but by separating the political commentary from the gaming comic, the creators hoped to make ET look less retarded. This didn't really work at all.

Recently, one of the Electronic Tiger handlers has fallen on hard financial times. Rather than putting his miserable comic on hiatus to find a job, and sparing me the discomfort associated with the mere knowledge of its existence, he has decided to prostitute his characters to feed his family. As his 'situation' continues, his political views become more and more vehement and vitriolic, as well as no relevance to reality, and instead of seeking employment, decides to argue his political opinion with his readers at length.

In an act of desperation, this creator has signed up with a company employing a Ponzi Pyramid Scheme (more commonly known as an MLM business) and actually has the gall to ask his few readers to throw their cash in under him. If any bite, then it will surely bite him when they can't even recoup their 'initial investment'. He then took some offense to Something Awful for flooding the comment page with arguments against MLM schemes (For some odd reason, SA users have an intense hatred for pyramid schemes, searching them out to quash them in their infancy) and also for registering their dislike for the comic while they were there. Retaliating against a massive readership spike simply because they were being negative is a great way to alienate them. Instead of insulting a group by referring to them as 'e-thugs' or 'cyberbullies' or 'digi-hooligans', an enterprising webcartoonist could easily find a way to turn a negative into a positive, and convert the haters into continued readers.

Converting a webcomic from a hobby to a job is not something that can happen overnight. It is a gradual process that takes careful planning and severe dedication. In desperation, resorting to exploitation, prostitution and pyramid schemes might turn a quick buck, but you'll end up shooting yourself in the foot in the long run. More self-destructive is a comic is created for the sole purpose of exploitation, prostitution, and pyramid schemes, as is the case of Electronic Tigers. If you want to see a decent gaming comic, there are plenty of better ones out there. If you want to see a decent conservative political comic, there are plenty of better ones out there. If you want to see pornographic, racist, or simply unfunny comics, again, there are plenty of better ones out there. Electronic Tigers is simply an abomination upon all of these genres, and serves no greater purpose other than the generation of easy money. Read more→

Count Your Sheep (Before They Hatch)

In order to reach the most number of people, one has to offend the least number of people. This is the cornerstone of print comics, where a slightly offensive comic strip is equal to about ten thousand letters to the editor. This is, of course, because newspapers are read primarily by the elderly, who get morally outraged over immigrants taking our jobs, even though they don't have jobs to be taken. Unfortunately, the younger generation often takes offense at unoffensiveness, which is why they turn to the Internet for laughs and laffs alike. And since the elderly can't use the Internet, webcomics don't require inoffensiveness for readership. Therefore, it's eternally baffling when a webcomic DECIDES to be inoffensive. This is the story of, among several others, Count Your Sheep.

CYS follows the saccharine exploits of a single mother, her 5-year-old daughter, and an imaginary sheep, a hallucination induced by sleeping pill abuse and mild psychosis as a result of a dead husband/father. Together, they engage in childish mischief rivalling Dennis the Menace, followed by the mother's stern disapproving gaze not unlike Hagar the Horrible's fat wife. There is also a lot taken from Calvin and Hobbes in terms of political and cultural topics, but the majority of inspiration comes from Garfield (post 1990s variation). Jokes about coffee, doctor's visits, monday mornings and sleeping all the time permeate the comic strip like marijuana smoke in the back of the Mystery Machine.

Even though he's inspired by some of the most prominent inoffensive comic strips around, Adrian Ramos still manages to fail writing a decent-yet-bland joke more often than not. Often giving punchlines that don't follow the premise, and others will suffer from a convoluted and strange set-up. Sometimes, the entire joke is just a massive trainwreck that misses its target and instead hits a busload of orphans. Others still have no joke at all. Most of Ramos's jokes fail to do their job of providing basic humor without the kick of edginess, and I have a feeling that adding in a sharp edge would still result in dull jokes.

When writing an overarching subplot for CYS, Ramos often neglects exposition and introduction to the narrative, and the stories end up feeling disjointed and sparse. I expect that this is Ramos acknowledging that he is incapable of coming up with a suitable joke to fit these situations, but rather than making a conscious effort and improving himself to counter his flaws, he avoids them and ends up with a story that's more threadbare than the carpet in a grass hut. Ultimately the plot isn't hindered by this emptiness, but it sure isn't enhanced, and it certainly isn't sufficient.

One thing that you might have noticed if you were astute is the predominant melancholic monochrome color scheme that saturates the site. Since it doesn't really cost more to print in color on the web, Ramos had to find a way to emulate this aspect of his newspaper inspirations without going the cheap route of simply not coloring his comic. The monochrome appearance creates the illusion of coloration, without giving up the newspapery feel of cheap production. The persevering blueness gives CYS a drab and monotonous overtone that makes it difficult to enjoy the sweet, simple humor as it's mangled for us by Ramos.

Count Your Sheep is as bland and uninteresting as any comic strip you'll find in a newspaper, only it has the added benefit of the low, low readership only found in webcomics. Adrian Ramos has a tendency to take the safe route when confronted with obstacles, and never challenges himself to improve his techniques. If he did, he might one day find himself between Gasoline Alley and Apartment 3-G, but until he does he will simply wallow in the mire that is the Internet, writing forced dialog and rigid catchphrases ("I should count sheep" isn't exactly going to sell t-shirts). If you want to be put to sleep, you don't need to count sheep, just read Count Your Sheep, and you'll be snoring before you can say "this is boring." Read more→