Political Webcomics: More Baffling Than Voting for Pat Buchanan

In my opinion, the most patriotic day this year is November 4, Election Day. I enjoy the democratic process by casting my vote in favor of the most reprehensible candidates, because inciting suffering on the citizens of my county, state and nation is something that gives me a perverse pleasure. In honor of the upcoming election, I decided to take a look at what the world of webcomics has to provide in the realm of political comics. And I wish I hadn't.

The first one I looked at is one I had glanced over before: Right Left Center by the guys who also do Electronic Tigers. Since then, however, the comic has simply devolved into even more ridiculous political cartoons. In the latest comic, he has presented Democrat candidate Barack Obama as a skewed charicature of his actual views, sporting conflicting socialist and fascist strawman arguments, and the icing on the cake is a series of "citations" from right-wing sources which are already significantly misconstrued, and then he removes what little context is left. The previous page isn't much better, pushing the same ineffective talking points that have been on the table for months, and thinks they'll work this time. Of course, they're just the generic arguments made against Democrat candidates, so it's not like this Republican mouthpiece is spewing anything that hasn't be spewed before. The main problem with RLC is that it's just too damn wordy. Political comics have never been around to change anyone's mind; instead, they just need to poke fun at some recent political (or otherwise national) event and twist it into a humorous analogy, metaphor, or charicature. RLC fails at this with incredible swiftness, but since the primary demographic is racists and people who want to argue with racists, I'm sure they find the stiff, one-sided haranguement of Democrats to be amusing.

The next one I found was Keenspot's longest-running political comic, Sore Thumbz (the z is extreme), which was originally supposed to be YAGC (Yet Another Gamer Comic) but writer Chris Crosby hasn't played a video game besides those dang ol' Marty-o Brothers, so he uses it as a political mouthpiece. Like RLC, Sore Thumbz has a tendency to stretch a gag out way too long. Unlike RLC, it's not as bad as RLC. Still, it's not without a veritable gold mine of faults. The conservative mouthpiece is an obnoxious loud-mouthed business owner, while his liberal counterpart is an equally obnoxious large-breasted bimbo, and both are about as flat as Iowa. The art is really kind of sloppy, as these two characters will often change size and shape between pages and even panels, but the glaring flaw is the writing. Chris Crosby wedges a liberal joke into pages where it's really unnecessary, and pushes his left-wing character to always be correct. 99% of the time the conservative is portrayed as either a raving lunatic or a smug jackass, detracting from his emphasis as a serious counterpart and turns him into a mere comic foil. A better design for this setup would involve both characters being used equally, by which I mean using them whenever appropriate for a joke, rather than leaning on the left-wing jokes and ignoring the others.

But when it comes to forcing a joke, none does it better than Keenspot's newest addition, M. J. Offen's Politicomic. It's only been around for a month and a half, but has still managed to strike me as the worst attempt at political humor on the Internet. Actually calling it a comic is kind of iffy, since all the art is just photographs of the candidates after they've been shoved through a handful of Photoshop filters. In fact, if just playing around with photoshop is enough to get on Keenspot these days, maybe I'll give it a whirl. I mean, I'm sure I can come up with better jokes than McCain Kong. Of course we all know why this Obamanation ended up on Keenspot, and that's because Chris Crosby wants to give a leg up to all the liberal political webcomics out there, even if they don't really come close to deserving it.

Of course, a lack of art is not uncommon in webcomics, especially when politics are involved. Get Your War On thrives with nothing less than old clip art and a foul, sarcastic mouth. While it focuses on the Iraq War and the politics related to it, GYWO is not above discussing other political issues, like the economy, or various campaign bizarrities, and railing against the war and the Republican party has given GYWO a boost in popularity among moody teenagers and high-minded college students who consider it to be much more poignant than it really is. So much so that it has been modified into a series of animated shorts. The truth is, anyone can manufacture popularity through faux outrage and obscenity. Loud ranting is not funny, and sarcasm gets old after just a short while. A political comic without these things has a greater chance of being appreciated for its wit, rather than just being blindly followed by those too dumb or high to differentiate between quality and trash.

The last political comic I found before I got sick of looking is known only as The Pain (a reference to The Princess Bride, no doubt) which provides the same cynical look at current events as GYWO, except providing actual art. Actually, the art is populated by nothing but grotesque distortions of reality, like looking at life through reverse-beer goggles. The comics often carry a severe tone of pessimism and misery, interjected with wild bouts of mania, and I wouldn't be surprised if the author had Bipolar II disorder. Many of the scenarios presented aren't grounded in reality, but instead play up fantasies of anarchy, martial law, and apocalyptia, and the artist seems driven by nothing more than his most base desires, rather than any desire for social, moral, or economic reform, so his writing suffers from a lack of conviction to any kind of viewpoint other than selfishness. I guess that makes The Pain the perfect political webcomic for self-centered assholes who would rather wallow in their own misery instead of doing something about it, so I'm surprised it's not more popular than it is.

American Politics are generally about which human being the people detest the least, and can stand to vote for without hurling. Voting, like surgery, tends to require that the participant not eat for many hours prior to the procedure. Most voters don't even vote for their own interests, but rather some imaginary future version of themselves that doesn't actually resemble them at all. Regardless of who wins, I can expect that there will be plenty of moping around the nation, and I will revel in their misery. Additionally, I can expect to read a few comics complaining about America electing the wrong guy, from political and non-political webcomics alike, and all of this griping will be met with the same response: "Why didn't you try to do more?" Political cartoons have never been very funny, and political webcomics mangle the genre even more, trying to squeeze the blood of comedy from the stone of politics. If presented with a referendum to continue political webcomics, do the responsible thing: vote no.