Sunday, November 16, 2008

Menage a Three: Betty & Veronica Give Archie Blue Balls

Sure, porn comics can increase your readership with the amount of horny teenagers, but what happens when you make a porn comic without any actual porn? Holding back might create an air of legitimacy amongst less-than-savvy reviewers, who might convince themselves that since there is no nudity, it's not actually a porn comic. This would relieve a sense of shame the creator might have about making such a comic since it's not really porn. "Pornographers are sleazy, creepy people, and that's not me!" they convince themselves. Well I regret to inform you that you are a pornographer, and you are sleazy and creepy. Blueballing your readers just makes you sleazier, because despite being ashamed of what you've made, you continue to make it, because you just love the attention.

Menage a Three is the tale of a poor virgin nerd whose old roommates turn out to be gay (and boning each other) so they are immediately replaced by two totally hot girls! It takes place in the deepest, darkest, dankest bowels of French Canada, which I guess is the home of the artist, Gisèle Lagacé, and I guess explains the title, a french term for a threesome, used only by pretentious yuppies who want to make sex sound classy. At any rate, the lonely nerd suffers a hilarious quantity of sexual frustration due to the fact that he'd rather read comic books and watch anime (and porn, and anime porn) instead of socializing with actual people and getting to know girls. Uh oh, I think I might have alienated some (all) of my readers.

Artistically, Menage a Three has been compared to Archie, with a hint of anime. It is full of traditional anime shorthand and tropes, like the bloody dork nose, sweatdrops, these bizarre rivers draining from eyes, little child versions of the characters for no reason, scribbles above the head of a frustrated character, the list goes on. Every strip is an homage to the honored Japanese tradition of abstracting every emotion to a mere symbol on the character's face. Obviously Giz knows her audience is primarily anime-loving virgins, some of which can only get off to anime porn, so she has added these elements to make them feel more comfortable.

The Archie influence is more than just in the art, however. Many of the goofy puns and trite sight gags are the kind of junk you would expect to see in Archie comics, except for the porno filter applied later in photoshop. The plots are generally mundane and Archie-esque, such as "Day at the Beach" or "Moving Day" where the biggest conflict is whether to eat chicken or hamburgers. The dialog is cheesier than ballpark nachos, and the characters act about as believably as Keanu Reeves. It's not really hard to put a sexually repressed nerd in a frustrating situation with two girls, so why not try a little harder to do it a little better? I guess the Gizzer isn't as committed to this concept as she wants us to think she is.

The characters themselves are very annoying. I don't mean "oh his flaws are so annoying, why do they put up with him." I mean "who could put up with this guy for more than a minute, his behavior is so irritating!" The large french woman, Didi speaks in Frenglish, often swapping between English and French at bizarre times. Speaking between two languages is a mannerism I have never seen done well, as the authors doing it have a tendency to just swap out words and phrases at random, without really thinking about which ones they're doing or why. A little research into this behavior would go a long way, but it's not really worth it, since it really adds nothing to her character other than "she's french." The scrawny "punk rock" (poser) chick Zii has massive boundary issues, and I find it hard to believe that she has gotten no reactions worse than rolled eyes, a shrug and an "oh Zii!" Her behavior is generally a subconscious desire for attention, and if you know someone like this, you know that attention-seeking behavior is always incredibly annoying. The comic book hypernerd, Gary, is a pathetic whiner who always looks like he's about to break out in tears. His inability to enjoy himself makes him a drag on everyone else and his constant protests make everyone want to leave him at home. These terrible characters are about as compelling as a documentary on French Canada, and they certainly make me wish I could just close the browser so I wouldn't have to read this terrible webcomic. Unfortunately, I have to, for your sake.

Menage a Three is a porn comic, without the pesky burden of actually having any porn. The premise of one sexually repressed guy living with two girls was more entertaining back in the 70s when it was Three's Company. I'm not being facetious, Three's Company is about twenty times better than Menage a Three could ever be, simply because it isn't ashamed of itself. Unlike most webcartoonists, Gisele Lagace has at least some artistic talent, but the fact that she is wasting it on this amalgamation of atrocities convinces me that she has no desire to become a great artist, and prefers simple stories for simple people. The Jizzer has given us a terrible webcomic, and expects to cash in quick with the promise of pornographic content, even though she has no idea of giving anyone anything more than a stray nipple. If you want a compelling character-based story wrought with sexual frustration, there are plenty of better ones out there that aren't just sleazy porn. And if you want porn, there's better places for that too. Menage a Three is simply the equivalent of trying to watch the scrambled channels on your TV.

30 comments:

  1. wow. isn't that taking it too seriously? I mean, I thought the comic was making fun of, well, everything you just complained about. It's not like Giz is asking that she be taken seriously. Good God, her pen name is GIZ. J-I-Z-Z.

    It was a joke, and you only take the enjoyment out of it when you compare it to the more serious comics.

    Just try not to take things so seriously, you'll blow an artery or something.

    Also, saying you'd rather not read it, but do so for OUR (your readers') sake is so self-important. If you don't like it, don't read it. If you read it anyway because we all know negative reviews are fun to write, then at least pony up and say so.

    Peace.

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  2. I think Jizz is a fantastic artist, but I haven't seen her color anything and I haven't seen any good examples of her writing.

    Ma3 gives the feel that it's just to direct people to the for-pay porn they've put up on SlipShine.

    Especially coming off of however many years of Penny and Aggie with a good example of writing from T, Menage a 3 is pretty disappointing.


    Also- a good reviewer will read/watch everything, even the bad. Similarly- if all you're going to do is take offense at someone's review, why do you even bother reading htem.

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  3. @17/10/09

    Ma3 really doesn't have much in the way of plot, or...well, anything other than fanservice. It doesn't matter that it's not serious when it's just flat out bad. Even if it IS a parody, IT'S STILL BAD.

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  4. Similarly, if you're going to take offense at somebody's response to a review, why do you even bother reading them?

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  5. hey, give it a break! this comic is just big goofy fun. one of the few web-comics that has me laughing out loud on a regular basis. Art is a fun throwback to Archie which gives me a kick as well. it's not taking itself too seriously so why are you?

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  6. i randomly stumbled on this review (yay google)and it made me hate critics even more, seriously don't take it so serious, the comic is fun to read if your not spending the whole time cupping your farts because you like the smell

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  7. A friend recommended this comic to me as something he thought I'd love. Now I think he may have been stealthily insulting me. In his defense, I think he was referring to the artwork, which I did think was great. But good GOD, what a shitty comic. I want that hour of my life back. Yeah, I know I would've just wasted it anyway, but I'd waste it on something less obnoxious.

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  8. "i randomly stumbled on this review (yay google)and it made me hate critics even more, seriously don't take it so serious, the comic is fun to read if your not spending the whole time cupping your farts because you like the smell"

    I found this review on Google, too, and I couldn't help but laugh at this comment. I agree with the commenters who are saying you're taking it far too seriously. It's a webCOMIC. It's got funny moments and yeah, it's cheesy softcore porn. THAT'S WHY PEOPLE LIKE IT. We, the readers of Ma3, know we're not reading it for the intricately-woven plots, believable characters, or brilliant punchlines. We read it cuz it's sexy and cute and has the occasional guffaw stuffed in there between Didi's tits and Zii's motorboating thereof.

    And as the first reviewer said, don't like, don't read. It's not as if we, or any of your (as you said, now-alienated) readers asked you to read it.

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    1. Actually, the comic is pain to read. It doesn't have any fan moments, it just has misogyny, misantrophy and bad taste. Thank god there are critics, not just fans who adore every fart artists make.

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  9. Allo...

    I don't wish to sound cruel...
    But why would you read all the way through?
    It seems pointless if you start to hate it. And as far as I can tell...
    It's just for amusement, and watching some poor schmuck get messed with by the god of his universe aka whatever-the-author's-name-is is abso-fricken-lutely hilarious...

    That and I actually know and am good friends with people who apparently have less realistic emotions than a character played by Keanu Reeves.

    Please don't bash something you dislike. It demeans both you and the people who are pulled out of the woodwork to bash you.

    I apologize if I have caused any distress...

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  10. I love this webcomic simply *because* it is trashy. Gis knew what her audience wants, a webcomic that basically is if Bruno Mattei and the creators of Archie Comics had a love child that grew up to be a nineties indie otaku on smack, and she gives it us. It has genuinely funny situations, such as Gary talking with Jung about the play, while not relying on high concept humour, such as in webcomics such as xkcd(which I also love). As TV Tropes says about it, it's a true guilty pleasure.

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  11. "BAAWWWW I hate you webcomic reviewers who act like reviewing comics is your JOB or something! Critique is not critique unless it is mindlessly praising that which I like and view through the rose-colored glasses of a moronic fan! If you're a reviewer you can only review things that you like! BAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWW!!!!!"

    There, that's what all you faggots sound like. This was a great review...and I LIKE MENAGE A 3! Shock, horror! You people are the ones taking things way too seriously. Christ on the cross, people are entitled to their opinions, and no, reviews don't always have to be glowing bastions of praise. GOOD reviews will point out the good and the bad...and a good practitioner of whatever art is being critiqued will LISTEN to it. And real fans who have working brains of their own won't get butthurt the second someone dares to dislike whatever it is they like.

    Do you idiots go to Roger Ebert's site and cry whenever he gives whatever dumb movie you liked a bad review? Fuck. You all need to die painfully.

    PS Jizzhead won't sleep with you for defending her e-honor hth

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  12. Idiots? Faggots? Need to die painfully? Jizzhead? Hey buddy, go spew your bile into the toilet where it belongs. I don't agree with much of the review but as you said, it's Piratezims opinion. You're welcome to share yours but you don't need to be so insulting about it. You need to grow the fuck up. I guess it's easy to be an asshole when you're anonymous. This site won't accept my URL so my name is Don Broome and I can be reached at donbroom1966@hotmail.com. I don't need to hide behind anonymity to express my opinion.

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  13. Slipshine has ads on a number of webcomic sites, such as Flipside, for example, so that the fact that they have one here isn't necessarily a bad thing. Actually, I have looked at some of their (Slipshine's) free samples. I have no urge to pay for access to them, mind you; most of it was feeble plot-wise, but one or two episodes looked amusing.

    For that matter, there are a number of sexually oriented free webcomics. I might point to the escapades of Elspeth and Letitia in the various story lines of Hentai Action theater in this regard; I rather recommend this one.

    In any event, I find menagea3 moderately amusing. It's not great, but some episodes resonate with my own past experiences. And no, I am not a boob obsessed teenager. (60 y.o. Bi woman). Well, ok, I do like boobs ...

    Yes, Didi is sort of annoying, having an IQ of about 50 by my estimate; but people with intellectual problems do exist, and guess what? They can have sexual urges! Although, I suspect that demonstrating this is not the author's purpose here :)

    Ok, so it's partially designed to appeal to horny teenagers; so what? So are half the ads on TV. Doh! Sex sells!

    I might also recommend such webcomics as Post Sex Clean Up (no, almost no graphic sex here, so stop drooling at the title) and Pawn (also nothing graphic, but sexy and silly). Oh, and Flipside itself, of course.

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  14. "Giz" is short for Gisele. I'm reasonably certain that "jizz" has nothing to do with it.

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  15. ha. i do agree that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and whatnot but i don't think Ma3 is a bad comic at all. I mean, everyone keeps saying that they characters are non realistic and blah...but personally I think the whole point of reading web comics is to get AWAY from reality...besides life doesn't have a plot anyways... I don't want to escape from reality with more reality...I love the unrealistic situations in Ma3. Its a breath of fresh air. I hate real life drama and complications. if i wanted that id take a stroll through the nonfiction in the bookstore... or watch the news...

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  16. The review is spot on re: this passable at best comic. The art's dandy but the writing is absolutely terrible. The characters are unrealistic to the point of distraction as well as unlikable, the situations are sitcom-level, and it's going nowhere fast.

    I am amused by the fans of the comic who came here to (badly) defend the comic and reveal their hypocrisy by telling the reviewer not to read or comment on the comic, which is advice they should've taken regarding this review. Way to stick up for mediocrity, guys! You're a credit to your species.

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  17. It might amuse you to know that Gisele grews up in a francophone part of Canada, is fully bilibgual, and probably has a lot of personal experience of Franglais speakers like DiDi.

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  18. Whilst I have a HUGE problem with Mr Anonymous Ranter's method of expressing himself (seriously, using "faggot" as a general insult is not even remotely okay) I do agree with the point laid out. But with less offensive, idiotic ranting.

    I DO read Ma3. I also enjoy it. It doesn't take itself seriously and that is probably precisely WHAT I enjoy about it.
    With that said, I also enjoyed this review. It does hit a good couple of nails on the head, and it's fairly well-written. I agree with a lot of it, too.

    I don't like all of Ma3. I don't agree with all of this review. But I am perfectly capable of enjoying both without spontaneously combusting; and anyone who's incapable of doing so should attempt to curb their fan-rage BEFORE posting a comment.

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  19. Yet another reviewer who just plain doesn't get it. The comic is a bundle of running gags about fanservice, anime, J-culture, gay culture, nerd culture, sexuality and a dozen other topics that some people take *way* too seriously.

    She's having fun, and a lot of it is at the expense of people exactly like you, PirateSim.

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  20. Webcomics is serious business, folks, she's been running ma3 going on 4 years now with very little to no evolutionary process in storytelling or character development; Hell. This isn't J-culture, gay culture, nerd culture, sexuality... but another Carlos Mencia ( a comic who steals other comedians jokes); She right along with her life partner who looks like a rejected cast from Revenge of the Nerds who goes by the handle of Dave Zero1 steal ideas, punchlines and redo it coming from a Canadian (french point of view) humor. When in fact it not! This comic is to milk pockets, sell useless junks by delving into their readers psych i.e. exploiting their worst self-esteem issues, forcibly trying pass these plain, boring, dry characters off as being one of [them] who're dealing with real life issues for all its worth; Abstract Gender comes to mind.
    Look how long it took for THAT particular webcomic to go under...?
    Shits pure trash!

    Adding another 2 other comics to the line-up *as always has a strong feel to be something potential* that should never been created in the first place but left on the back burner.

    CoolCat...Hell even THAT comic ended with more endless plot-holes. with ma3 coming in a close second...

    Eerie Cuties: Joss Whedon (B.T.V.S. - knock-off), Barry Sonnenfeld (The Addams Family - Knock Off).

    Weeaboos.

    The ...They steal ideas from other artist than pass it off as theirs, nothing about this comic is legit; She needs to be shut down, pixie trix needs to be shut down. End of it!

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  21. Well... I read it because Gary is clearly a spoof of Marcel Gotlieb -- Gary is the twin of Gotlieb as drawn by himself in the Rhaa Lovely era.

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  22. Oh, the places you end up when you use mouse around the web sans Caffeine. Sweet Jack-hammering Mormon Balls, Piratezim, this kind of effort afforded a review of a humour periodical displays a rather skewed set of values. At best, imagining two possible cause/effect chains that led you to this point. First, the scenario of the prude finds his/her first outlet for adult thoughts that sours when own life never blossoms in kind. Second, the idea of the viewer based reality archetype who requires everything to be either out of sight, or exactly what he/she wants to see. Both cases the solution is simple... Don't waste your (Or our) time with this useless prattle. Hope it works out well for you d(^-^)b

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  23. Meh. Your 'critical' review notwithstanding, I find Ma3 to be an amusing webcomic. The characters are nowhere near as one-dimensional as you make them out to be. And while comparing the level of titillating situations to Three's Company is a fair one, as far as I can tell this is the author's goal: To publish a webcomic with a lot of sexually charged situations and innuendo. Consider any Three's Company plot about some fairly random misunderstanding that real people would have cleared up with a single, simple question, and Ma3 is much more complex and deep, with lasting plots lines which go beyond the single episode 'plots' of any Three's Company show. I'm not calling it Shakespeare, just defending it against your charge that Three's Company was better because it was somehow (and you decided to not support your accusation and left it completely unexplained) "not ashamed of itself."

    It's lighthearted, frivolous, and fun.

    And it's free. Sure, there are adds on the page, but they are much less onerous than TV commercials.

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  24. Oh how I love the pretentious douches who try to defend this empty headed garbage.
    Never mind the fact that NONE of them counter zim's accusations (outside of weak handwaving)
    they are defending a comic which steals ideas from other artists without credit and even manages
    to botch that.

    Its stale, its boring, and it honestly embodies the worst traits of sitcoms.

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  25. *Claps slowly* - *picks up the pace* - *claps with strongest enthusiams* one-hundred percent emphatically heart felt counter-argument so fully in an agreement with your statement. Anon. Thanks for posting a comment! As I said before last year the Carlos Mencia of webcomics...PERIOD!

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  26. I hate Ma3. How come everyone is bisexual?

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    1. Out of all the myriad reasons to dislike this comic, you chose the only one that isn't even a flaw at all. Bigots truly do have an unerring ability to beat any odds in the pursuit of being stupid.

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    2. Congratulations. You've replied back to a 1 year old comment all in order to call that person a bigot for asking a legitimate question. Where ARE the straight characters, and was-sup with there being zero representation of minorities in the comic?

      You sir are an instigator, a dumb feminazi..

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    3. Imagine using the term "feminazi" unironically.

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