Count Your Sheep (Before They Hatch)

In order to reach the most number of people, one has to offend the least number of people. This is the cornerstone of print comics, where a slightly offensive comic strip is equal to about ten thousand letters to the editor. This is, of course, because newspapers are read primarily by the elderly, who get morally outraged over immigrants taking our jobs, even though they don't have jobs to be taken. Unfortunately, the younger generation often takes offense at unoffensiveness, which is why they turn to the Internet for laughs and laffs alike. And since the elderly can't use the Internet, webcomics don't require inoffensiveness for readership. Therefore, it's eternally baffling when a webcomic DECIDES to be inoffensive. This is the story of, among several others, Count Your Sheep.

CYS follows the saccharine exploits of a single mother, her 5-year-old daughter, and an imaginary sheep, a hallucination induced by sleeping pill abuse and mild psychosis as a result of a dead husband/father. Together, they engage in childish mischief rivalling Dennis the Menace, followed by the mother's stern disapproving gaze not unlike Hagar the Horrible's fat wife. There is also a lot taken from Calvin and Hobbes in terms of political and cultural topics, but the majority of inspiration comes from Garfield (post 1990s variation). Jokes about coffee, doctor's visits, monday mornings and sleeping all the time permeate the comic strip like marijuana smoke in the back of the Mystery Machine.

Even though he's inspired by some of the most prominent inoffensive comic strips around, Adrian Ramos still manages to fail writing a decent-yet-bland joke more often than not. Often giving punchlines that don't follow the premise, and others will suffer from a convoluted and strange set-up. Sometimes, the entire joke is just a massive trainwreck that misses its target and instead hits a busload of orphans. Others still have no joke at all. Most of Ramos's jokes fail to do their job of providing basic humor without the kick of edginess, and I have a feeling that adding in a sharp edge would still result in dull jokes.

When writing an overarching subplot for CYS, Ramos often neglects exposition and introduction to the narrative, and the stories end up feeling disjointed and sparse. I expect that this is Ramos acknowledging that he is incapable of coming up with a suitable joke to fit these situations, but rather than making a conscious effort and improving himself to counter his flaws, he avoids them and ends up with a story that's more threadbare than the carpet in a grass hut. Ultimately the plot isn't hindered by this emptiness, but it sure isn't enhanced, and it certainly isn't sufficient.

One thing that you might have noticed if you were astute is the predominant melancholic monochrome color scheme that saturates the site. Since it doesn't really cost more to print in color on the web, Ramos had to find a way to emulate this aspect of his newspaper inspirations without going the cheap route of simply not coloring his comic. The monochrome appearance creates the illusion of coloration, without giving up the newspapery feel of cheap production. The persevering blueness gives CYS a drab and monotonous overtone that makes it difficult to enjoy the sweet, simple humor as it's mangled for us by Ramos.

Count Your Sheep is as bland and uninteresting as any comic strip you'll find in a newspaper, only it has the added benefit of the low, low readership only found in webcomics. Adrian Ramos has a tendency to take the safe route when confronted with obstacles, and never challenges himself to improve his techniques. If he did, he might one day find himself between Gasoline Alley and Apartment 3-G, but until he does he will simply wallow in the mire that is the Internet, writing forced dialog and rigid catchphrases ("I should count sheep" isn't exactly going to sell t-shirts). If you want to be put to sleep, you don't need to count sheep, just read Count Your Sheep, and you'll be snoring before you can say "this is boring."