We done got Snarked.

The reason PirateZim doesn't know what this blog is about is because none of us really knows. Really, we were in the process of figuring it out before it got snarked.

This wasn't supposed to have been linked just yet. We're just playing around with ideas until we were ready. This is why some of the older posts have been deleted, and you really only see PirateZim posting. He's just doing what comes natural to him: pissing people off while remaining a loveable scamp. He'll troll his way into our hearts.

Anyway, this place is going to go into a deep freeze for a while. We may come back, we may not. Regardless, I'm sure you won't miss it as it is now.


Also, who the fuck came up with "The truth hurts" for a catchphrase? I think "Webcomics :(" is entirely more appropriate. Read more→

Mission Statements, My Ego, and a Third Noun to Justify My Insatiable Love for Commas.

Well, it appears that Anti-Snark blew up well before its time. Since it did so, as I figured would be the case, many people have been quick to judge it without realizing what it is. I'm not going to tell you what it is, because quite frankly, I have no idea. I basically just start writing after I decide on a topic, and run with it. I'm an attention whore, and while my writing might not contain an iota of logic, authority, or professional writing training, but what I do think about when writing is how to piss off a lot of people. And writing a negative review of something I've never read is one sure way to do that.

Trolling (or, as Matt Wilson calls it--and I prefer this term as well--Pissing Faggots Off) requires knowing one's audience to know just how to press their buttons. The idea behind it is simple--say something designed to irritate your audience, but not so blatant or obscene as to trigger the automatic "ignore" response. The best part about the Internet is that people are much more likely to get incensed for some reason I haven't quite deduced yet. I reckon it is probably just a way for them to channel their rage at the guy who's dating the girl they like. No one's studied the Internet geek to date, most likely due to the smell.

Anti-snark isn't about trolling, though. At least, not entirely. If it were, there'd be no point. I genuinely love several webcomics, but I'll probably anti-snark them at some point. Mostly because there needs to be some sort of cosmic balancing against the whiny emo Apple jerkoff who praises every comic that gives him even the tiniest tingly feeling in his pelvis. Just be thankful that I don't feel the need to mention I'm running Windows XP every time I write an article, or mention every webcartoonist I converse with, who only allow me to do so simply because I kissed their ass a few times and continue to do so. Everyone knows people who use the Internet regularly (including webcartoonists) have low self-esteem, so throwing a short ton of praise for the most minute amount of talent can earn you a lot of face.

Webcomics aren't an art form. They're not even close. Print comics aren't even an art form. Show me a strip of B.C. in the National Gallery of Art and I'll eat my hat. Comic strips are the utilization of artistic talent for commercial purposes. Webcomics are the same thing, but more open to amateurs. And there are a lot of amateurs. But simply because you do something for the mere love of doing it doesn't make it an art form. It shouldn't be treated as an art form. Scott McCloud is an idiot. Infinite Canvas is a horrible idea.

Webcomics are a business, like Stand-Up Comedy and Bulldozing. This goes back to last week's article about BLC. It is BAD that they are unappealing to me, and not making me want to read their comics. The more bland they are, the less likely I am to enjoy their product. Infinite Canvas is extremely unattractive to anyone but pretentious art dweebs, and is pretty much annoying with no real increase to the entertainment value. That's high cost with zero reward.

And of course, Dr. Snark goes on and on about some Tarquin shit that dumbs down flash to make Infinite Canvas comics more accessible. WHY?! WHY WOULD YOU WANT THIS?! It is detrimental to both Flash and the webcomic industry, by making Infinite Canvas even more retarded. And then the genius goes so far as to claim this "gives Flash something legitimate to do." Now I'm no fancy big-city lawyer, but wasn't Flash already legitimate before? What with (well-designed) ads, webtoons, and games, I always assumed the development of Flash had already been justified. But not to Eric Burns! Webcomics is the only application for any web-centric tool.

I read through a few of the examples that were given, and I'll just say I hated them. I hated having to click every time I wanted to advance to the next panel. The comics in and of themselves weren't very good. They had no point, other than some pretentious artistic ego stroking. That's what majoring in Philosophy will get you. The ability to make horrendous comics that go nowhere, have no entertainment value, and take forever to read. And the use of Flash just made them more so.

Of course, Burns, being the self-proclaimed webcomics fellator, gives the forsaken child of Flash and Infinite Canvas his praise. Because now it is easier for everyone to create and be subject to tons of pretentiously horrendous crap.

My only regret is that I couldn't have made fun of the crap he wrote on Monday in a more timely manner. Read more→

Fill In the Blanks

I'm sure some of you have heard about "Blank Label Comics." Because I sure haven't.

Blank Label Comics is what 6 of the most mundane Keenspot cartoonists decided to leave and join up together called themselves. I've honestly never read any of their comics because they looked boring. Well okay, that's not true. I've been reading Checkerboard Nightmare since summer 2001, back when it was good.

Lately it has been selling out, though. Not in the traditional "Large-breasted, scantily clad women" kind of way, but it really has been less about making fun of webcomic fads and more about parodying the latest nerd pop culture item. For example, Straub recently did an arc parodying Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. That's not why I read CxN. I read it to see Straub make fun of sprite comics or authorial self-insertions, or comics that sell out by introducing large-breasted, scantily clad women. I was kind of leery when Straub started coloring Checkerboard Nightmare, but "fuck it," I thought, and let it slide. And now Chex has been reduced to a cookie-cutter "zany" character with Lyle being the average straight man.

Straub also started a new comic just for Blank Label, something about a spaceship museum. Museum spaceship. I don't really know. It doesn't look very interesting.

Also under Blank Label's banner is Brad Guigar who draws Greystone Inn, a comic strip about a comic strip (or so I've been told). The character he chooses to use as a logo for his comic? A large grey looking thing. BOOOOOORRINNNNNNG. I'm not gonna click that.

Brad Guigar also has another comic featured on BLC, Courting Disaster. This comic is basically a bunch of immature sex jokes, or else its a bunch of very obscure sex jokes, which only three people get and these three people have to explain it to everyone else. Skirting Disaster also features a mug shot of brad down at the bottom, which shouldn't be associated with sex, otherwise everytime someone feels aroused, they'll picture his face and BAM! Impotency. Don't even go to Courting Danger.

Going down the list, next we have David Willis, who draws It's Walky!!!!! and Shortpacked: Comics for Tots!!!!. Willis must be really excited about his work, using all of those exclamation marks. The image link for his comics on BLC? An extremely indifferent-looking girl. Exciting. For all those exclamation marks, he picks the most bored looking character to represent his work? Real genius, that Willis. This is why I don't read his work. He did an April Fool's joke where he claimed his wife miscarried. Which isn't so much a clever prank as it is an elaborate, yet disgusting spin on an April Fool's joke like:
"Hey my brother died."
"Oh, I'm sorry, you have my condolences"
"HAHA NOT REALLY APRIL FOOL'S SUCKER"
I also hear Willis has a tendency to date his fans. That's kind of creepy.

Next on the Blank Label label is Paul Taylor. He, unlike the other Blank Label cartoonists, only draws one comic, Wapsi Square, a comic about large-breasted, scantily clad women. I tried to read this comic once, but I felt silly when I realized the protagonist was 60% boob. I dunno, I just got this whole "Cathy meets Buckles" vibe from it. Twenty-somethings, single women, blah blah blah blah blah.

Moving along, we can see Paul Southworth's contributions in Ugly Hill and Krazy Larry. Unlike the rest of these, I'm actually kind of maybe interested in reading these. But not so interested that I actually DO read them. It's in the "maybe when I'm extremely bored" column. The problem with this is that if I ever have Internet access, I will have access to loads of content capable of entertaining me, so I won't be bored enough to read this junk. I'm not exactly inclined to read comics about ugly or crazy people, being neither of these myself.

Last, we have Steve Troop's Melonpool, which, as far as I could tell from the old Keenspot newsboxes I saw about it, is basically a space version of Gilligan's Island. Like the rest of these comics, I've never read it, so I couldn't tell you what it's about. But the characters I've seen don't really look like they have a lot of character depth or breadth. Like little blips on a radar screen, they can usually be taken down with one or two Patriot missiles. And I certainly don't want to read a comic about characters who only have one facet.

Seperately, these 6 artists would have barely retained enough readers from leaving Keenspot to bore a couple thousand people each. But when they combine their resources, they can mundanely bore each other's fans, too, raising the total number of bored fans exponentially. And the features seen on the BLC main page? Boring. Next time I need to be bored out of my mind to out-bore someone in a boring contest, I know where to go.

Blank Label Comics: Your One-Stop Shop for Mundane, Droll, Uninteresting Comics! Read more→

Real Life a Real Letdown

hey look its a webcomics circle jerk

Some asshole just linked me to this webcomic called "Real Life". Now, if you have eyes, you can plainly see that the art doesn't even mimic real life. In fact, in the second panel, it looks like Mr. Orange Shirt's head is about to fall off. If you don't have eyes, then there's really no point in you continuing to read this article or this website, since you can't read. I'm sure there's some "software" that will read the words to you, but since you can't see the pictures, you're probably not a fan of Internet Comics.

Continuing with artistic atrocities, (Goddammit, I alliterated) I would like to point out that everyone's eyes are really too close together. This is just causing facial clutter, and makes me want to spread their facial features out with a rake. And what the hell is up with the neutral talking mouth looking like a duck? "HEY I AM QUACKING OUT WORDS AT YOU" doesn't seem true to Real Life. Then we have the lovely half-point perspective on the white fence in the background, which, I guess, is an attempt to acquire the Illusion of Three Dimensions. Placing two dimensional characters in a three dimensional setting just looks awkward, guy. Fortunately for you, you have completely failed at making me think the background contains a third dimension.

Now, you Real Life fans are probably yelling "The art isn't why its named Real Life, its about the character experiences" or some bullshit like that. I really don't know. I went one comic back in his archives before deciding to write this article. That was all I needed.

Okay jackasses, now Ill make fun of the writing if that'll make you happy. Looking at the dialogue, I see a bunch of lame, cliche Bawls jokes that might have been witty and topical 3 years ago. Okay, not witty, but at least topical. And the way its presented makes the reader think that the double entendres are being said unintentionally, what with the facial expressions and all. I think that was the approach he was going for. This is evinced by the last panel, if not anywhere else. Honestly, if this were real life, I doubt a group of twenty-somethings would unintentionally make lame jokes about testicles. In fact, if this were real life, panel one would be flooded with Bawls jokes. As would panels two and three. By panel four, we'd begin to see some of the jokes start to repeat, because most people don't realize what was said about four minutes ago, on account of all the weed they smoke.

And then at the bottom, I see this: "People who are speaking, in order: Dave Kellett, David Willis, Steve Troop, and Kristofer Straub." Horrible grammar aside, this appears to be some sort of webcomics sausage-fest. Perhaps Mr. Dean is giving "props" to his "homies" in the webcomics "hood." I, personally, think he's just sucking up to them so he can ask them for stupid ass favors at some upcoming convention.

After I started writing this article, I decided that I should read at least 5 comics back in his archives, to see if maybe this was just a bad writing job compared to the rest of his work.

It isn't.

All the comics I saw appeared to have either a lame set up, a lame punchline, or a horrible background, or any combination of these three things. Most were all of these three things. My 14-year-old emo japanophile half-brother could write a better comic. Wait, maybe he's the one who's writing it. The sense of humor seems about right, jumping at the most obvious (and overused) joke, while ignoring a plethora of superior options.

And don't get me started on all the begging--whoring, if you will--this guy is doing. I see a link at the top of his page that shows him holding a sign begging for money. And then there's a little box thingy halfway down asking for coding help from his readers. Now I can understand that if you're broke, you can't afford this, but such things as website design are usually done FOR MONEY. IT IS A SERVICE THAT YOU PAY FOR. Asking your readers to do it for free is just low. Sure, there are probably some people who would be willing to do it for free, flying through cyberspace, helping the poor peon who may have a bug or two in his software, but for the most part, he's stealing money from website designers.

Greg Dean, you cheap bastard, give me back my real life. Your real life sucks.

Read more→

Hello, and welcome to the Anti-Snark!

This is the place for honest critique of webcomics.

Remember, the truth hurts. Read more→