tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-116573972011-11-30T20:44:12.041-06:00Putting Webcomics in Their Place on a Weekly BasisDoctor Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13222314009630202188noreply@blogger.comBlogger441100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-60776907917963579672009-12-20T02:23:00.000-06:002009-12-23T13:15:08.555-06:00

Eight years ago, webcomics were still struggling to find their way out of the womb, trying to figure out what to rip off of the print comic industry. Ripping off the jokes and the art was the easy part, but how would webcomics rip off the ability of actual cartoonists to make money? And so, the first webcomic syndicate was formed. Crawling forth from the primordial cyber-ooze, this primitive

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-76888332276298833442009-12-13T00:05:00.009-06:002009-12-14T02:15:15.005-06:00

Here We See Emmanuel "Crybaby" Cruz About to Achieve Super Wuss Form Level 4Conflict is an essential part of any story. Well-written conflict is an essential part of a good story. So when something is written that is devoid of conflict, it becomes difficult to determine if you have a story, or a Series of Events That Happened. The former is generally intriguing, attracts an audience on its own

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-77672200851215026902009-12-06T10:49:00.002-06:002009-12-14T02:13:14.444-06:00

Here We See the Cast of That 70's Comic. From Left to Right: Jackie, Eric, FES, Kelso and Donna. They're All High on Illegal DrugsWhat's worse than ripping off a popular television series? Ripping off a popular television series, and then putting it in a webcomic format. Fortunately, I can safely say that today's topic does not violate one's sense of decency in all the basic, lackluster ways

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-25117413777533848692009-03-08T16:14:00.007-05:002009-03-10T01:25:37.247-05:00

"I Call It 'Bad Webcomic'"You might have noticed, for the last few months, I have had an email link asking for reader submissions of comics to review. I did not have to wait long until I received a suggestion: Rooster Teeth comics, from the same people who brought you Red vs Blue. A cursory glance told me that the comic was terrible, but I couldn't put my finger on exactly what was primarily

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-28494261312482166802009-03-01T23:49:00.003-06:002009-03-02T22:12:19.807-06:00

My faithful reader might be wondering why I stopped updating for the past month. Simple answer: I decided to take a vacation from this blog for a month, starting about 2 weeks before I made the decision. I had begun to run low on vitriol and needed to spend some time drilling some from the nearby gulf. The comics I have in my queue were either too young to work with, had spontaneously stopped

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-17906647331352165372009-01-25T11:41:00.002-06:002009-01-26T19:55:36.047-06:00

Bill Gates and His Hobo Friend Are Here To Talk To You About Webcomics.There are a lot of podcasts out there. There are even more podcasts about webcomics. That doesn't make mathematical sense, and yet, it's still true. Everywhere I turn, I trip over another webcomic-related podcast. And they're all terrible. Honestly, I'm not sure there exists an amateur podcast that is done well, and I'm

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-46227651418738937572009-01-18T12:15:00.008-06:002009-01-22T19:20:40.259-06:00

In the Light of a Full Moon, Sarah Hazen Transforms into an Atrocious Webcomic.There is nothing more reprehensible than a smutty porn comic that tries to pass itself off as something for all ages. Comics often attempt to pull this off by taking their pornographic material, and covering up small naughty bits or just removing completely graphic scenes. Unfortunately this usually results in a

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-15215519844654150582009-01-11T09:08:00.005-06:002009-01-13T02:14:35.846-06:00

I Don't Like It Either, Buddy, But I've Got a Job to DoSuperhero comics are a lot of work. First you need to come up with a compelling character with unique talents, skills or equipment. Next you need an interesting setting for your hero to work in. Add in a supporting cast to balance him out, and give him a well thought villain to go up against. It's easy for a comic creator to come up with

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-67359239643080174612009-01-04T11:44:00.001-06:002009-01-13T02:15:49.335-06:00

Complacent With Mediocrity, R.C. Monroe Grants Us a Look At His LifeR. C. Monroe's Out There walks into a bar, and says to the bartender "I'd like a terrible webcomic." The bartender says "here you are" and hands him a mirror. Yeah, I know it's not a very good joke, but it was designed as an example rather than something to make you laugh. You see, it's the kind of writing I've come to expect

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-84877270796222290892008-12-28T17:51:00.005-06:002008-12-29T14:37:36.833-06:00

It's hard to believe I'm still posting on this stupid blog about terrible webcomics. I had originally planned on losing interest sometime around October, but unfortunately I had by then accrued a list of comics to review that was longer than my list of known aliases. So I kept reading awful webcomics and writing down my less-than-professional opinions, and before I knew it, it was the end of

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-70490230687271273622008-12-21T00:12:00.007-06:002009-01-13T02:17:48.810-06:00

You Have Entered Webcomic Hell (There is no Webcomic Heaven)The great thing about the Internet is that it has afforded thousands of Japanophiles easy access to their beloved animes and mangas. Wait, did I say "great thing"? I meant "terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad thing." Most nerds and geeks these days have an unhealthy obsession with animes and mangas to the point where anything that

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-14656559717789478812008-12-14T10:57:00.001-06:002008-12-15T10:37:17.632-06:00

You Said It, ManAn artist should never blame his tools for his poor work. Accepting that personal shortcomings lead to a less-than-perfect product is the first step towards improving him or herself. Conversely, an artist should never expect his product to improve simply by acquiring some special tool. The Wacom Cintiq tablet is often lauded as the pinnacle of webcomic artistry. Many

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-91505161595708525292008-12-07T21:25:00.028-06:002008-12-14T16:45:34.511-06:00

The Donuts Are a Metaphor for a Terrible WebcomicShortly after the popularization of webcomics, some moron decided that it would be a good idea to institute a purely voluntary rating system, much like the one used for television. Ratings for webcomics are incredibly useless since the only things anyone cares about is whether or not there are exposed genitalia. Additionally, the host of the

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-29897730343107512642008-11-30T20:05:00.007-06:002008-12-05T21:33:11.141-06:00

How does a webcartoonist improve himself? Practicing alone might seem sufficient to some, but without direction, most will just practice themselves into a hole. Rote learning can make you more efficient, but not necessarily better. There are websites which can guide an artist into developing his skills well, by giving good examples and exercises, and lead to a greater understanding of anatomy,

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-30038873181567931822008-11-23T14:37:00.009-06:002008-12-05T21:33:39.791-06:00

There are millions of webcomics out there on the internet designed to appeal to niche markets and strange hobbies. No matter your interests, there is probably a webcomic that caters to them. Even if those interests are really dumb. But no matter how dumb the hobby, there are people who are really into these things. I guess maybe they seem dumb to me but these people really enjoy them so who

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-50819027371849273342008-11-16T05:44:00.002-06:002008-12-05T21:34:17.791-06:00

Sure, porn comics can increase your readership with the amount of horny teenagers, but what happens when you make a porn comic without any actual porn? Holding back might create an air of legitimacy amongst less-than-savvy reviewers, who might convince themselves that since there is no nudity, it's not actually a porn comic. This would relieve a sense of shame the creator might have about

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-43832578340689800852008-11-09T13:39:00.004-06:002008-12-05T21:34:43.463-06:00

Terrible webcomics are fairly abundant on the Internet, but most are not worth my time to discuss here. Some are so commonly reviled that I believe ripping into them would just be redundant on my part, and others are so uninspired that it's obvious they won't last long enough to give me enough to really work with. It is truly rare to find a terrible webcomic with enough of an archive to give me

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-18972831768701639712008-11-02T16:47:00.002-06:002008-12-05T21:34:57.928-06:00

In my opinion, the most patriotic day this year is November 4, Election Day. I enjoy the democratic process by casting my vote in favor of the most reprehensible candidates, because inciting suffering on the citizens of my county, state and nation is something that gives me a perverse pleasure. In honor of the upcoming election, I decided to take a look at what the world of webcomics has to

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-69592009773815001182008-10-26T19:19:00.001-05:002008-12-05T21:30:10.528-06:00

For as long as there has been money, there has been a desire in the common man to earn money the quick and easy way. And as long as there has been this desire in people, there have been Snake Oil Salesmen and Pyramid Schemists to take what little money the unsuspecting public has to offer, in exchange for the promises of making a lot of money in the future. When it comes to Webcomics, no one

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-70806786493487686142008-10-19T02:34:00.001-05:002008-12-05T21:30:34.788-06:00

When leveraged properly, a popular webcomic can provide an ample source of income. A healthy mixture of donation incentives, merchandise, and publication can turn a successful hobby into a successful business venture. With enough spit, gumption, determination and elbow grease (spunk and grit don't hurt either), a skilled webcartoonist can turn their talents into a supplemental or even primary

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-37025149547061972262008-10-12T22:41:00.006-05:002008-12-05T21:30:56.450-06:00

In order to reach the most number of people, one has to offend the least number of people. This is the cornerstone of print comics, where a slightly offensive comic strip is equal to about ten thousand letters to the editor. This is, of course, because newspapers are read primarily by the elderly, who get morally outraged over immigrants taking our jobs, even though they don't have jobs to be

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-48350898200345643902008-10-05T14:14:00.004-05:002008-12-05T21:31:14.946-06:00

The majority of Internet users are cynical, untrusting, hate-filled piles of misery and mistrust. In theory, a comic full of characters who mirror this attitude (as well as paper-thin strawmen for them to attack with their rapier wit and superior intelligence) should be immensely successful amongst the misanthropes of the E-Zone. Something Positive has managed to build a comic on this premise,

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-91734616414163775582008-09-28T23:05:00.006-05:002008-12-05T21:27:16.219-06:00

A wise marketing guru once said 'Sex Sells,' which is generally true. Unfortunately, it requires a subtle touch to work appropriately, and the majority of amateurs fail to make it work. In the world of webcomics, this is no different. Novice artists attempt to use a scantily clad lady with obnoxious bosoms to advertise their webcomic. Sadly, it's a terrible representation of the comic itself,

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-86379539766453285202008-09-21T16:59:00.005-05:002008-12-05T21:27:33.941-06:00

As I stated yesterday, Circle Jerks in webcomics lead to artistic stagnation and undue popularity. It doesn't take a lot of talent to provide meaningful criticism, but webtoonists are often blind to their own faults. This excuse does not work when the creators regularly work with other terrible webtoonists to provide criticism to OTHER terrible webtoonists. Like the crossover I discussed

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-49783045521899877902008-09-20T13:14:00.005-05:002008-12-05T21:28:06.395-06:00

The Circle Jerk is a useful tool for aspiring webcomic creators to generate public awareness of their creation. By doing crossovers with other unknown comics, one can triple his readership (from 3 to 9). While decent webtoonists often have to carve their readership on the merits of their own skills and word-of-mouth advertising, these less-than-talented people can swap fanbases with others

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-14038367358157623022008-09-19T10:40:00.006-05:002008-12-05T21:28:33.244-06:00

I've always felt that, in order to improve one's skills, an artist must surround himself with works greater than his own. If you're the best, however, all you can really do is keep on dragging on, or quit while you're ahead. When I decided to write about BetaPwned, I first saw this page and thought "Another fan of awful webcomics decided to make one of her own," but after reading through the

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-47194097167339139742008-09-18T12:21:00.005-05:002008-12-05T21:28:56.563-06:00

When creating a webcomic, there are a few things that the creator should flesh out before jumping in. First is the story. A well-reasoned plot can be the difference between an enjoyable read, and a clusterfuck of convolution and obfuscation. Second, is the characters. Not just who they are, though a properly fleshed out character is important, but also what they look like. Character designs

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-76787381799363627922008-09-14T22:31:00.004-05:002008-12-05T21:29:13.615-06:00

Webcomics are essentially the scum of the Internet. But it's true that not all of them are abominations. From the subsewers of mediocrity arises a few hypermutants which do not immediately offend the tastes of the rest of the mutants on the E-Zone. How do we determine which ones are good? Who the fuck knows. However, I do know what doesn't work, and that's placing the choice of "best turd"

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-65055413710259968732008-09-07T13:19:00.006-05:002008-12-05T21:29:43.713-06:00

There are a million and twelve gamer comics out there. They all fit the same archetype: Two guys playing video games on a couch with a token girl and a few gamer friends that only show up to be strawmen. So how does a gamer comic try to differentiate itself from the herd? Creative Jokes? Nice Art? Character Depth? No, those are ridiculous ideas. The best solution is to simply switch

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-21449838147362364762008-08-31T07:54:00.003-05:002008-12-05T21:21:47.535-06:00

What do you get when you take a regular webcomic and give it a shitty writer? Well a lot of webcomics come out of that formula, I suppose, but one result is Hockey Zombie, a comic which combines zombies (on which my views have already been expressed) and hockey (on which my views don't need to be expressed because hockey is a dumb sport played by Canadians who can't be bothered to play something

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-56188106890045128632008-08-24T16:05:00.008-05:002008-12-05T21:21:19.987-06:00

The podcast is a relatively recent phenomenon, and much like webcomics, it allows an excessive accessibility to a medium that was previously well guarded. In this case, radio shows are now something that can be made and produced by anyone with a microphone and access to the Internet. Abandoning the notion of Production Quality, one can discuss anything he chooses. Enhanced accessibility leads

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-50687473266046606802008-08-17T16:55:00.005-05:002008-12-05T21:20:58.668-06:00

Until now, I have only discussed nobodies in the Wide World of Webcomics; this is intentional, of course, I had no desire to jump on the bandwagon of hating the popular kids for instant street cred. But now I'm ready to take on the Big Leagues, and since Kris Straub recently debuted F Chords (A Niche Comic for Musicians), I decided it was a good target to take on.Niche Comics are any comic which

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-6067349271788551102008-08-10T09:23:00.002-05:002008-12-05T21:20:40.653-06:00

Fish are loud, noisy pets. They yell all the time, even when they're not saying anything particularly emotive. Also if you don't keep them clean, they will mutate and grow human bodies.Fishtank Tango is a webcomic about two guys who live together and also work together at a pet store. At work they talk about boobs and look at boobs and talk to boobs. Oh yeah and one of them has a fish for a

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-8216218622200497812008-08-03T23:24:00.002-05:002008-12-05T21:20:22.923-06:00

Zombies are an incessant cliche. There's not much left to be said about them that hasn't been said already. Their use as a metaphor for human nature is good, but tired, and their origins from unchecked and unprepared biological research are familiar and repetitive. Effectively, there is not much left to be said regarding zombies that hasn't been said already. However, my good friend 'S. Dave

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-43471847147833657962008-07-27T12:00:00.004-05:002008-12-05T21:18:52.868-06:00

Welcome to the Contranet. Sarah Zero is an alleged webcomic that attempts to tell the story of a hideous sea mutant that has taken on human form and has assimilated itself into the human culture of piracy, white slavery and child pornography.Sarah Zero is your basic terrible webcomic, at least on the surface. Most noticable is how every 'page' looks like a magazine ad for vodka. Word Art that

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-3853458494211083532008-07-20T12:10:00.005-05:002008-12-05T21:18:36.512-06:00

If you've spent enough time with your finger up the ass of the webcomics industry, there are a few webcomics you've almost certainly heard of. Ctrl-Alt-Del is among the most popular, yet also most reviled webcomics around. Due to its anatomically uninspired character designs, abhorrently lazy writing, incredulously flat and static characterizations, and unyielding stagnation, CAD is generally

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-38931055902697328672008-07-13T14:10:00.006-05:002008-12-05T21:18:17.854-06:00

Least I Could Do is a webcomic that, for some reason, believes itself to be above the inherent nerdiness and retardation of being on the Internet. The characters are incessantly smug and have a hideous smirk on their face at all times. The comic uses scantily clad women to sell itself, but the disturbingly distorted faces really kind of ruin it. Of course most nerds on the internet are

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-48873614629840207122008-07-06T17:47:00.007-05:002008-12-05T21:16:10.111-06:00

For your consideration, The Floating Lightbulb: A Webcomics Eureka. The Floating Lightbulb (or TFL if you're cool) is Yet Another Blog About Webcomics. It presents a viewpoint about the webcomics industry that has been seen a million times, and presents nothing new or insightful to up and coming talent. So why am I wasting my time with the god forsaken tripe? Well, to be honest I'm just bored

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-1118218573436543652005-06-08T03:02:00.000-05:002005-06-08T03:16:13.440-05:00

The reason PirateZim doesn't know what this blog is about is because none of us really knows. Really, we were in the process of figuring it out before it got snarked.This wasn't supposed to have been linked just yet. We're just playing around with ideas until we were ready. This is why some of the older posts have been deleted, and you really only see PirateZim posting. He's just doing what comes

Doctor Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13222314009630202188noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-1118191532276799742005-06-07T19:43:00.000-05:002005-06-08T01:46:26.170-05:00

Well, it appears that Anti-Snark blew up well before its time. Since it did so, as I figured would be the case, many people have been quick to judge it without realizing what it is. I'm not going to tell you what it is, because quite frankly, I have no idea. I basically just start writing after I decide on a topic, and run with it. I'm an attention whore, and while my writing might not contain an

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-1118069621866544262005-06-06T09:18:00.000-05:002005-06-06T10:08:23.986-05:00

Gun Street Girl is pretty much what I consider to be the worst comic on the internet. Maybe not by measure of quality; surely, there is worse writing in existence, and worse art that has caused my eyeballs to instantly explode all over the monitor. But Gun Street Girl is different. Not only is the art and writing horrible in every possibly measurable way, but it is also a self-proclaimed

HolyGranolanoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-1117643219877809852005-06-01T10:06:00.000-05:002005-06-01T11:34:15.626-05:00

I'm sure some of you have heard about "Blank Label Comics." Because I sure haven't.Blank Label Comics is what 6 of the most mundane Keenspot cartoonists decided to leave and join up together called themselves. I've honestly never read any of their comics because they looked boring. Well okay, that's not true. I've been reading Checkerboard Nightmare since summer 2001, back when it was

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-1115830630636900562005-05-11T11:23:00.000-05:002005-05-11T12:37:19.066-05:00

hey look its a webcomics circle jerkSome asshole just linked me to this webcomic called "Real Life". Now, if you have eyes, you can plainly see that the art doesn't even mimic real life. In fact, in the second panel, it looks like Mr. Orange Shirt's head is about to fall off. If you don't have eyes, then there's really no point in you continuing to read this article or this website, since you

Piratezimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14307515282370328194noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657397.post-1111630238904146372005-03-23T19:59:00.000-06:002005-05-11T11:16:23.396-05:00

This is the place for honest critique of webcomics.Remember, the truth hurts.

Doctor Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13222314009630202188noreply@blogger.com7